“Chinese Whisperers” by Wilderness which clocks in at 8:07.

Whisperers, i.e. those who whisper. They just seem so conspiratorial, the way they hiss each hushed bulletin without proof, confidence, or even the dramatic flair necessary to deliver a good old-fashioned knockout punch. Whisperers are usually not to be trusted. If their inaudible conspiracies were facts, they wouldn’t have to whisper, right?

Unless of course, these whisperers all started whispering the same thing. Now that would be interesting, like something out of a horror movie, or at the very least the scene in What Women Want when Mel Gibson flips out in the park upon first realizing he can hear women’s thoughts. In this case, substitute Chinese Whisperers for women’s thoughts and myself for Mel Gibson and you’ve got yourself one of the enduring (albeit minor) storylines of my 2008. See, the Chinese Whisperers all had a message, and it would only grow louder and more fervent as the year progressed. And yet, I refused to believe. Or even budge. So, their Chinese whispers soon turned into apocryphal chants….

“Chinese Democracy…it’s….coming! Noooooovember 23rd, fare theee well!”

And still I didn’t believe. But you know what? The Chinese Whisperers – these harbingers of a perma-delayed artifact hearkening back to the 20th century’s narcissistic conclusion – they were right! It is here; it has taken 14 years but Guns N’ Roses’ Chinese Democracy is actually here. Well, almost. As you are certainly well past aware, Best Buy will be lining their shelves with the album starting this Sunday; lest you forget, they even have a dramatic countdown timer on their site. You know what that means, right? When it ticks down to zero, all the whispers, all the rumors, all the conjecture and criticism, all will be snuffed out. Because regardless of how good or bad the album turns out to be, at least Axl Rose finally finished it.

I’m sill having a hard time believing, yet I desperately would like to hitch a ride on the road to acceptance. So, I suppose the first step is a personal retraction; this isn’t in recognition of some Dr. Pepper-sized retribution coming my way but rather the acknowledgement that I publicly lost faith. Nearly a year ago, I wrote a piece explaining why I felt Chinese Democracy would never see the light of day. The odds just felt stacked against it; there were too many cooks in the kitchen, expectations had spiraled madly out of control, Axl had seemingly gone off the deep end, and it just seemed certain that time would swallow the album whole. It wasn’t meant to be, plain and simple. At the end of the piece, I even went so far as to write, “if this album is ever released, will anybody give a shit?”

I was wrong, I now know this mainly because of how much I do in fact give a shit. Don’t you get it? Chinese Democracy is real, there’s a Best Buy countdown timer to prove it. This means that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

Anything is possible. That is my own Chinese Democracy whisper, my mantra, my conviction.

David Fricke, staunch defender of Rolling Stone’s old guard, has his own four-star Chinese Democracy whisper with regards to one W. Axl Rose:

“To him, the long march to Chinese Democracy was not about paranoia and control. It was about saying “I won’t” when everyone else insisted, “You must.” You may debate whether any rock record is worth that extreme self-indulgence. Actually, the most rock & roll thing about Chinese Democracy is he doesn’t care if you do.”

Elsewhere, Miley Cyrus may not have her own Chinese Democracy whisper leading up to this Sunday, but it’s worth noting that the album’s release date is also her birthday. And this year, that translates to the mother of all super sweet sixteen jams, which she will be celebrating by shutting down Disneyworld to use it as her own personal playground. Who’s to say she won’t pipe “Shackler’s Revenge” into Magic Mountain’s soundsystem, or at least take a detour to Epcot and dump out a sip from her 40 in tribute to Axl?

Hell, even those trampled under the enormity and madness of Chinese Democracy have their own benevolent Chinese whispers. Brian May, guitarist for Queen and contributor during some of the recording sessions, apparently didn’t receive any credit in the album’s liner notes. Responding to this slight, a zen-like May wrote on his blog,

“Well, it is a shame, perhaps … I did put quite a lot of work in, and was proud of it. But I could understand if Axl wants to have an album which reflects the work of the members of the band as it is, right now. I do have mixes of the tracks with my guitar on, work tapes at the time, but they will remain private, out of respect for Axl.”

However, it has to be Izzy Stradlin - Rose’s sidekick since even before Slash - and his Chinese Democracy whisper that should be heard the clearest. The man is a borderline soothsayer, having penned the Use Your Illusion II song “14 Years” only to have it become ridiculously prophetic in retrospect. Let’s take it from the third verse:

“Bullshit and contemplation / Gossip’s their trade / If they knew half the real truth What would they say / Well I’m past the point of concern / It’s time to play / These last 4 years of madness / Sure put me straight / Don’t get back 14 years / In just one day / So hard to keep my own head / Just go away / You know…just like a hooker she said / Nothin’s for free / Oh I tried to see it your way / I tried to see it your way”

It’s as though Stradlin knew all along; the story is all there. The album took 14 years to make, during which people had their bouts of “bullshit contemplation” and gossiping. But, as Fricke also noted earlier, Rose didn’t care. He pushed onwards, realizing he couldn’t get all those 14 years back at once but that releasing the album would at least put him in the right direction. Shit, even the whole file-leaking episode is recounted here with the hooker simile at the end. Ain’t nothing free, especially when you try and steal from Axl.

History tells us Stradlin wrote this song about his lifelong (err, fourteen year) friendship with Rose, but the future may tell us something altogether different. 1994-2008. Fourteen years of Chinese Whisperers finally proven right. Oh, unless you’re Bon Jovi.

Buy (K)no(w)here HERE.

*image from HERE

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