Over the past week, Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has been taking a lot of heat for the answers she gave in an interview with Katie Couric on CBS News. The portion that’s getting the most critical attention is that bit about Palin’s foreign policy credentials…

Couric: You’ve cited Alaska’s proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

Sarah Palin: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land-boundary that we have with Canada. It’s funny that a comment like that was kinda made to … I don’t know, you know … reporters.

Couric: Mocked?

Palin: Yeah, mocked, I guess that’s the word, yeah.

Couric: Well, explain to me why that enhances your foreign-policy credentials.

Palin: Well, it certainly does, because our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of…

As ridiculous as Palin’s line of reasoning may seem at first, upon closer examination I realized that I’m actually rather fond of this kind of thinking. After all, come to think of it - or, thinking of things in these terms, I’ve got a ton of amazing credentials based upon my previous musical and life experiences. Below is a list of ten things I’m qualified to do thanks to music and this particular brand of Palintological reasoning.

• #10 - teach HIS 383: The United States since 1920 at Princeton because I listened to the song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel a bunch back in 1989…

  “Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
  North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe”

• #9 - write a biography of James K. Polk because I own Factory Showroom by They Might Be Giants, which includes the following song about the 11th President of the United States…

• #8 - design skyscapers for a living because I can see the Empire State Building from my apartment AND I totally once saw Ted Leo live and he played the song “Building Skyscrapers In The Basement”…

  Listen: “Building Skyscrapers In The Basement” by Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

• #7 - research and develop a cure for cancer thanks to chemistry knowledge learned by listening to “Chemical Calisthenics” by Blackalicious…

  
  
  “Neutron, proton, mass effect, lyrical oxidation, yo irrelevant
  mass spectrograph your electron volt, atomic energy erupting
  As I get all open on betacron, gamma rays thermo cracking”

• #6 - takeover as head of NASA’s Propulsion Research Center because I’ve ridden in a jet, I can see the moon and stars in the night sky, and I love the song “Astonomy Domine” by Pink Floyd…

• #5 - win the America’s Cup thanks to Christopher Cross and the repetitive nature of pop radio…

• #4 - write the next great American novel thanks to grammar lessons from Schoolhouse Rock…

• #3 - (this is one we’re all qualified for…) discover the secrets of time travel because on November 2nd we’ll be setting our clocks back an hour and, really, who doesn’t love the following song?

  Listen: “Back in Time” by Huey Lewis and the News

• #2 - serve as Secretary of State in the next administration because I pass directly by the United Nations at least once a week and I used to watch Animaniacs every day after school…

  “United States, Canada,
  Mexico, Panama,
  Haiti, Jamaica, Peru;
  Republic Dominican,
  Cuba, Carribean,
  Greenland, El Salvador too.”

• #1 - draft my own bill to create a $700 billion bailout and solve the current US economic crisis thanks to memorizing the lyrics to “Ping Pong” by Stereolab…

  “It’s alright ‘cos the historical pattern has shown
  how the economical cycle tends to revolve
  in a round of decades three stages stand out in a loop
  a slump and war then peel back to square one and back for more”

Thanks to Sarah Palin, the greatest of all glass ceilings has been shattered: reality. Now you can do anything you’d like so long as the right person suggests you for the job and you’ve got a touch of ridiculousness bolstering your curriculum vitae. Because I’ve listened to a whole lot of music I can be anything I want… this is Palintological reasoning. Try it out for yourself! I’ll help: you’re reading this on a computer which means you’ve got a lot of experience with computers and that can only mean one thing - you’re the next best person to run Microsoft after Bill Gates. Fun!

*front/above image from HERE