“Influx” by DJ Shadow which clocks in at 12:14.
Most people assume that Goes Cube allows me to eat sashimi à la carte every night at Nobu, buy Brooklyn brownstones in one cash payment, and purchase a vintage Fender for each and every show, only so afterward, I can toss it on the subway tracks just to watch an MTA train derail… and then buy the MTA a new train. So, you’ll be surprised when I tell you that, actually, Goes Cube is not wholly funding my rather lean existence. Nope. Not even close.
In order to make ends meet (or to get them “to acknowledge each other’s existence,” to quote Dr Katz), I write and edit copy. I do marketing and journalism, technical and creative. Being a freelancer is tough, and the work can be scarce sometimes. So, I’m always looking for new contracts*.
One of the places I like to look from time to time (because I’m apparently a glutton for punishment) is Craigslist. And that’s where this story begins.
Some jobs are for the college student, or for the person looking to get his or her foot in the door. And that’s fine. The job post will be very clear and unobnoxious about it. Usually, they’ll put in the title words like “unpaid” or “internship,” etc. But this particular ad just really got under my skin. The post has since -not surprisingly- been flagged for removal. But I found a web cache of the text, and here it is:
Seeking sharp satirical urban writer
Looking for a weekly urban social commentary writer for online website with a user network of 10 million built in. Person should be an innovative thinker with a witty and sharp perspective on life to write about the multifaceted perspectives of young urban people. Formats can (and should be) unique, in style of writing, original characters and themes. Having a familiarity with engaging in different social networking sites, blogs and news outlets is a major plus. Job can lead to future pay. If interested please e-mail samples of your work, which must be relevant to urban culture.
I decided immediately that I’d better put together a cover letter to let them know just how amazing I thought this opportunity was. Here’s the full text of that:
Dear… Let’s skip this part. In the city, there’s no time for pleasantries.
As a sharp, urban, satircal writer, I am particular about the kind of jobs I take. Hell, I won’t even look at certain job posts because, let’s face it, they’re beneath me - the kind of positions that would be satisfied by a mere putty knife, but shredded into gossamer strands by a veritable Ginsu blade like myself.
What kind of jobs do I, as a sharp, satirical, urban writer, consider? Good question. (Of course it is; I asked it.) Let me answer it in the best way possible: by not answering it at all. Instead, I’ll tell you what kind of a job I won’t consider. Take that status quo. Sorry, box, did it hurt when my giant brain punched through your wall just now? Because if it did, too bad: I don’t think inside the box. I don’t even think inside polygons.
Anyways…
If a job has to do with writing about covered bridges, grasses, soil, crops, or antique shops, I turn my back on it. I’m an urban writer, and I don’t have time to hang out at the General Store in some one stoplight town whose tallest building is a grain elevator. I’ll write about coked up traders on Wall Street. I’ll write about coked up hipsters in Bed-Stuy who set up music venues in their kitchens. I’ll write about coked up commuters struggling with the latest MTA fare hike. I’ll even write about the coked up guy who runs the deli I go to even though I know - I SWEAR I KNOW - they put their coked-covered thumbs on the scales when I order my Boars Head meats. In other words, if it’s not a gritty tale of coke and prostitution, then I won’t write about. Everything else might as well be some pointless subplot in Field Of Dreams.
Guess what: Never even saw it. Don’t have to. Only suckers watch that rural dreck.
I also won’t take any job where I have to write things that old people will read. Your job post says I should “be able to write about the multifaceted perspectives of young urban people.” You can go ahead and put a check in that box. That’s the only way I work, baby. Did you see how I called you “baby”? I don’t even know who you are, but that doesn’t matter because I don’t think you’re old. And that means you’re young. And that means you can roll with it when I call you “baby.” And if I’m wrong and you are old, then you’re probably offended. And if you are, then too bad, pops/gramma. Why don’t you just go back to watching your “stories” on TV, and us “kids” will be over here watching a YouTube video of a fat guy sitting on a dagger.
Technically that last sentence should end in a question mark, but I don’t have time to waste on a punctuation mark that looks like it needs Viagra.
But more than anything else is this: I will not take a job that promises to compensate me with money. As an urban writer, who doesn’t live in some low-rent town like Chicago, or Evanston, or Winnetka, but instead the granddaddy of them all New York City, my monthly rent is more than most people spend on their mortgages in year. I spend four dollars on a can of chicken broth. My weekly coffee bill is almost $50. My cost of living is about ten times the amount that some wannabe actor’s is in LA. That’s why I want to find a job that will take full advantage of my free time, incredible talents, and not pay me. Because, you see, like everyone else in NYC, I not only live on credit, I also live on distant and utterly foolish hope: Someday I won’t be so poor that I’m tempted to jump the turnstile…or steal that Vespa right there. So when I read your job post, and I saw “Job can lead to future pay,” I thought YES, DANGLE THAT CARROT!!!
So let’s recap:
Urban? I make the Beastie Boys look like farm boys.
Sharp? The other day, I figured out that my cat only likes to eat her wet food if it’s not all mashed up. Need I remind you that cats don’t speak English? They don’t even speak any language!
Motivated? If by “driven to work instead of sit around and watch People’s Court type shows because the commercials for bankruptcy help hit a bit too close to home,” then hell yes.
Satirical? Jonathan Swift is my homie for life.As a wise man (me) once said: I’m awesome.
-David (or as I’m known in the city: KID WORDMAKER)
Buy Preemptive Strike HERE.
*if you would like to hire David as a writer or editor, he really is always looking for work (for monetary compensation), and can be contacted at goescube at goescube dot com.
**top photo of the “Field of Dreams” from HERE.
EAR FARM’s 8+ is a weekly feature that showcases songs longer than 8 minutes. Click HERE to see the songs recently featured in EF’s 8+.
In between pummeling eardrums and dropping jaws via their traveling carnival of a live show, the lads of Drink Up Buttercup have gotten nice and cozy in the studio as well. Working diligently and oft-distractedly on their debut album, they were thoughtful enough to film much of the process and allow YOU a unique perspective on what’s been going on during their sessions at American Diamond studio.
And contrary to what’s suggested in the picture above, it doesn’t ALL involve hanging out front on a prolonged smoke break. See for yourselves below: Read more
‘Tis the season for the summer blockbuster, and with that the usual assault on our senses by scores of manipulative trailers and teasers. That’s cool with us, I like watching clips from Meet Dave as much as the next guy, but when exactly did albums start getting their own coming attractions? Did it begin with Beck’s Modern Guilt promo or is this something that’s flown under our radar until now (and if that’s the case, we can agree it’s a rather ineffective form of marketing, yes?)?
You know what they say, once an occurrence, twice a coincidence, three times a trend*, so here’s behold the latest trend: the album teaser. Let the salesmanship begin… Read more
I don’t know about you, but each year around this time I find myself counting down the days until I can dash to Coney Island for the 100 degree sun, the affected hipsters, and 2,640 feet of rickety wood also known as the cyclone. Oh yeah, and some cool bands will be there too. Here are a few videos to whet our appetites for the big show. Read more
Albert Hammond, Jr. will be playing a private, invite-only show at Mercury Lounge this coming Tuesday, July 1st in advance of his new album Como Te Llama? (out July 8th). Would you like to go? We’ve got muchos tickets to give away! For starters, we’ll be doling out two pairs this week and then a few more pairs on Monday to the big brains brave enough to endure EAR FARM’S TRVIA HELLFIRE…naw it’s really not that bad at all, pretty darn easy. Answer any THREE of the following and we’ll pick our first two winners at noon on Friday and then do it all again on Monday: Read more
Band: Kelley Polar
From: Sullivan, New Hampshire
Sound: Body-movin’ zero gravity pop filtered through the ’80s… the 2080s
Similar Artists: Isolée, Human League, Thomas Dolby, Daft Punk, Junior Boys
Listen Now: “Entropy Reigns (In The Celestial City)” (live on “Fair Game”)
Band: Plants and Animals
From: Montreal, Quebec
Sound: Lush, 70s AM rock gets sprawling, epic treatment with incredible results
Similar Artists: Buffalo Springfield, Arcade Fire, My Morning Jacket, Loose Fur
Listen Now: “Feedback In The Field”
From: Jamaica Plain, MA
Sound: Summer and winter combined as one: light and dark, complex yet playful… dense and lyrical and jazzy with classical undertones.
Similar Artists: Joni Mitchell, Lavender Diamond, Rufus Wainwright, Vincent Guaraldi, Sufjan Stevens
Listen Now: “Dreaming of the Plum Trees”
Band: Man Man
From: Philadelphia, PA
Sound: Ramshackle pop songs and throaty sing-alongs coaxed from everything including the kitchen sink
Similar Artists: Captain Beefheart, Gogol Bordello, Ween, Sunset Rubdown
Listen Now: “Top Drawer”
Band: Hey Hey My My
From: Paris, France
Sound: Playfully quirky and melodic, smart acoustic rock
Similar Artists: The Shins, Badly Drawn Boy, Rogue Wave, the Dodos
Listen Now: “Merryland”
Band: Beach House
From: Baltimore, MD
Sound: dreamy, shimmery ballads; think melancholy but hold the depression
Similar Artists: Mazzy Star, Cat Power, Galaxie 500, Nico
Listen Now: “Heart of Chambers”
Is there any argument that music and film are perhaps the two most celebrated, recognized and lucrative forms of artistic expression in our popular culture?
Is there any argument that they also generate more arguments than all other popular artistic mediums combined?
So why then, despite our obsessive dissecting, debating, analyzing and chronicling of the two, doesn’t there exist a comprehensive list detailing the intersection of music and film? Somewhat related, are you sick of us asking rhetorical questions? Fair enough, we get it.
Less questions, more solutions! In this, our first installment of the Earfcyclopedia - just in time for the Oscars - this glaring omission within the annals of pop culture will stand no longer. We present you with a comprehensive as hell list of musicians who have crossed the line and tried their hands at acting. Sure, other reputable sources such as MTV and Rolling Stone have lamely attempted to chronicle this merging of artistic mediums, but frankly most of those lists suck.
Where’s the love for the Kristoffersons, Kowalczyks, and Kiedises of the world (and that’s just the K’s)?
After the jump, peruse our list of 110+ alphabetized names of musician actors and please feel free to add any we might’ve overlooked. As well, before the jump you’ll find lists of each of our own personal top 5 favorite musician actors. But first, some rules… Read more
Band: Computer Perfection
From: near Detroit, MI
Sound: jangly indie pop with sunwashed synthesizers
Similar Artists: Bishop Allen, Evangelicals, Michael Andrews, Broadcast
Listen Now: “Able Archer”
Band: Goes Cube
From: Brooklyn, NY
Sound: heavy ’80s & ’90s hardcore/metal influences, ’00s sound
Similar Artists: Helmet, Slint, Melvins, Fugazi, Isis
Listen Now: “Goes Cube Song 57”
Band: Magic Arm
From: Manchester, UK
Sound: folk, electronica, pop
Similar Artists: Badly Drawn Boy, Belle & Sebastian, Iron & Wine
Listen Now: “People Need Order” “Outdoor Games”